Circles circles circles. Fuck fuck fuck.

I mean, you can only hold so much pain and recently it feels like the taps been left running. I feel like im fucking up more than ever right now and i am just building up all the badness inside me, and i can let go of any of it, i cant forgive myself or move on i just regret it all everyday and i hate myself for it. I dont know what im ment to do with it all. And then on top of all of this i have to try and deal with myself as a person and overcome my anxiety and innability to interact with people and the paranoia and im sick of my ocd, i feel so insignificant and terrible. Its all to much for my head to take. I finish uni soon and im terrified about that and the real world and i dont know what im gonna do and im so self doubting i dont belive im good enough to do anything and to scared of people to try. I really dont know. I needed to write this all down, im falling apart.

I dont know where im going

ultimately i know what i want to do but i have made no plans towards it and i have no idea, im finding everything really hard at the moment and i really dont know what im gonna do with my self.

1) Im watching me and you and everyone we know. 2) I ate potatoe waffle sandwhiches for dinner 3) Today hasnt been actually bad but i have felt quite terrible 4) I really want a proper hug, the kind that makes you feel safe and calm. 5) im smoking less 6) im excited about going home tomorrow 7) my ferret is loud 8) i hope i can sleep this feeling off 9) this film isnt making me happier. Its so weird and a little bit funny and a little bit sad 10) im looking foward to sleeping

I need to be watching less friends. I have no ideas for photography. Gosh im worried. I really dont know.

Have you ever felf like everywhere you are you want to escape I want time away from everywhere i am. I just need to be alone.

What am I intrested in. I have a list of things I like, but I dont know where i am going. I am soooo lost. Its my final year. I'm scared D: what is my passssion? What do I want to do. I know what I want to do after uni. But what the fuck do i want to do right nooooow? Shit-a-brick

I finished A picture of Dorian Gray, then I watched the film, now I'm going to bed. I lead an interesting life. Thank you and goodnight Xxx

Don't love me.

I really want someone to me cuddle in bed. I'm ill and feel like shit. And im watching friends from series 1. I have a headache. Gosh i want a hug.

I want someone to call me Ace And a crossbow.

I keep having dreams that are mainly diferent apart from one thing. And I dont know why. Its weirds and i wake up confused and feeling odd. I dont know why i'm thinking about it... On a diferent note i love battenberg cake

I know what I want to do, now I just have to spend the rest of my time going after it.

I want whiskey and sex. When i say whiskey i mean Jack Daniels

Its bangface clubnight soon. Its merlins birthday soon. Its getting paid and still being poor. Its uni soon. Hard work more stess. Final year. Its winter soon. Its cristmas soon...no no it fucking aint. so the shops better not start with their anoying fucking music.

I feel really sad, and i dont know why...

The date is not important

So right now I'm at my house, listening to punk music and getting ready to go to town with Jess, who is on her way from her parents. And its all a bit weird really because it feels so much like we are back at school when this was what we did every weekend. But that was all a million years ago now and everyone and everything has changed since then.

we had it so good, 09

We were Young, In love, Wishful, Wasted, Wonderful, Together, Happy. I miss the times we all got drunk on wine, and all stayed up all night on drugs.

10 things

1)its summer 2)i have a ferret and no rats :( 3)i passed my 2nd year of uni 4)I am not with anyone 5)I'm going to rebellion 6)bangface is cancelled :( 7)im kinda hungover 8)we may be moving 9)im not sure how i am 10)i want my niple pirced

There are no good or bad experiences only experiences

Give me courage Flash Give me confidence Flash

Merly birds

merly is at uni I am having a great time here :) even though i have defiantly spent to much.