The wind is so loud outside my room its sounds like its gonna break my window. Its a bit scary. I miss Shiv, I havent spoke to her much recently and that always makes me feel bad. I was really positive this morning and now im i feel dreadfull, I just want to be happy, im trying so hard to be strong and independent and Im not very good at it, Im lonley as fuck. Its just me by myself 80% in my room being lonley. Im trying to be healthier, healthy people on tumblr all seem so happy and positive but im not feeling any diffrent. Whats wrong with me. Why am I never ok.